Play soccer: Go to hell

Not everyone in the U.S. is charmed by the World Cup, which is currently unfolding in South Africa. Check out what this red-state redneck thinks of the beautiful game.
He warms up by reminding us that it's no coincidence that soccer, socialism, sodomy and satanism all kick off with a 's' (spooky). Other highlights from this mad rant are his theory that Barack 'Osama Homo Bin Laden' wants the entire population not to be able to use their arms (like in soccer), before warning that when the UN forces 'come marching with their jackboots' to invade America (!) "you're just gonna have to stand there armless watching America die in front of you."
There's a distinct possibility that this is a parody (I mean he's called Billy Bob and he's wearing a John Deere trucker hat) but you never know ...

Via Huffington Post

TUNED IN! Lil Ayman

Living in Shepherd's Bush, I feel great affinity to most things Arab. While moutabal remains my firm favourite Arabian delight, I'm seriously digging this Arab hip-hop track I was turned on to via Cassette Playa's twitter. It's delightfully sleepy and ideal listening for a sunny day like today.

Via Cassette Playa

GIMME: Mark McNairy New Amsterdam spring/summer collection

Given I'm a sucker for coloured soles, I love love love pretty much all these Mark McNairy wheels.

Via Hypebeast

Travelling is an art

Every person I've ever met who travels loads takes time to bore me with their particular tricks of the trade. A few things always come up. Fresh fruit in tupperware. Evian spray. And YOUR MOST COMFORTABLE CLOTHES. It's a good point; only an amateur would wear ball-hugging skinny jeans rather than slouchy (horrible word) trackie bums.

But some are so obsessed with their image that they disobey rule number 1. That's why they fall flat on their face in airports.

Photo credit: Russell Clisby

Papping the system

Speak to the experts and they'll tell you the most successful blogs are often the most 'personal' ones. With that in mind, in coming days and weeks I'm going to post some crap pictures I took from my blackberry whilst out and about in London and elsewhere. Stay tuned for trinkets and whatnot I've spotted and thought 'that's funny' or 'how ridic'. I might bore you silly. If so, sorry.

I'll kick off with depressing posters from modern life which pretty much speak for themselves ...

Do you mind if I hold on to my gun

I don't shoot pheasants, clay pigeons or poachers (get orf my land) but that doesn't mean I don't badly NEED this Walker's Shirt from Garbstore complete with an essential cartridge pocket.
This snazzy heavy cotton workwear overshirt also has a watch pocket (for my non-existent nurse's watch). It's full price @ Garbstore (£145) but 40% over at Shoreditch's The Three Threads. One of my readers with money to burn is bound to beat me to it!

Virtual Shelter for bloggers open in Paris

Got a blog? Fancy a weekend in Paris? Check this out ...

Paris-based media rights watchdog Reporters Without Borders on Thursday launched a virtual "anti-censorship shelter" to protect bloggers around the world from repressive authorities.
The group (RSF) unveiled a room in its Paris headquarters set aside for fugitive journalists or bloggers from abroad to drop in and blog with secure Internet connections using software that masks their online identity.
The project also offers to provide carefully selected bloggers in other countries with free access to secure, anonymous online connections to make it harder for authorities to pursue them for their work.
"This will allow them to connect to the Internet securely, to help them continue their work as bloggers," the secretary general of RSF Jean-Francois Julliard told AFP at the launch of what he called the "virtual shelter."

Via AFPhttp://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=CNG.c163a72ad245569e54eb251af457fe23.a01&show_article=1

Welcome to the Fun Shop

At last - they've finally managed to bottle fun. Problem is this insanely awesome staffordshire bull terrior broke into the lab and drunk the whole effing batch. But check out the results! And check out flat out jealous the naked baby is. If there is a better vid on YouTube I wanna see it!

Via Reubo

Faber go hard!

I was recently given a lovely edition of Alice Oswald's poetry book 'Dart' as a wedding present and have been admiring its striking cover art ever since. It really complements Oswald's poetry. It turns out Faber senior designer Miriam Rosenbloom has been hard at work bringing together a new series of Faber hardbook editions which celebrate well-known poets (!) first collections with the poetry publishing giant which was once headed up by T.S. Eliot. Working with six different artists (see below), Rosenbloom has cooked up an awesome batch.Rosenbloom's inspiration was this book of Frances Cornford’s poems from 1960, illustrated with prints designed by her son Christopher. I think the Yeats is my fave, mostly for how cosy that cottage looks neslting in the hills:Here's the credit roll:
Peter Clayton (for Simon Armitage’s Kid), Jonathan Gibbs (Alice Oswald’s Dart), Michael Kirkman (Philip Larkin’s The Whitsun Weddings), Ed Kluz (Wendy Cope’s Making Cocoa for Kingsley Amis), Charles Shearer (Don Paterson’s Nil Nil) and Sarah Young (Sylvia Plath’s Ariel)

Via Faber's The Thought Fox blog

BP Portrait Awards: SLICKEST EVENT OF THE SEASON

Check the latest vid from the Don't Panic hit squadron. As per, it's a riot.
Mr Prowse and co crashed the BP Portrait Awards to draw attention to the devastation caused to the Gulf of Mexico by BP's unwell drilling techniques. As a little sweetener to their unknowingly audience, they dished out flutes of vintage black gold 'Krude de Gulf' which went down a treat with one gullible Yank.
There's some killer lines in there. ArchBlog particularly likes "I know a lot of birds who would die to be here"
Watch it now before under-fire Tony 'I wasn't party to that decision' Hayward moors his superyacht and does his best to yank it down from the net ...


Here's DP's (rightful) rationale for invasion.
The BP Portrait Award at the National Portrait Gallery was previously sponsored by Imperial Tobacco. Now it is socially unacceptable for tobacco to play this public role, and it is our hope that oil and gas will soon be seen in the same light, as the public comes to recognise that the sponsorship programmes of BP and Shell are means by which attention is distracted from their impacts on human rights, the environment and the global climate.

ps big props to Jez Riggall for widening my blog so peeps can actually watch vids properly now.

shut down, snooze, hibernate

Lugging my laptop round London is right up there with riding the sweaty tube in rush hour in my list of things not to do this summer.

But I agree with the always excellent Han Picked (!); if you have to carry a laptop, then this has to be your mule of choice. Waxed Ally Cap stuff is both stylish and hard-wearing. Unlike the Italian football team.

Hostem

I like the look of Hostem. If it wasn't a new clothes shop (which has just opened in Shoreditch) it would be a wild west chemist John Wayne might pop in to to stock up on snuff before he heads back to the saloon.
Hostem is at 41-43 Redchurch Street and stocks upscale Jap brands I like including Bedwin and the Heartbreakers and Visvim.

Cassette tape art

I really like Wisconsin-based artist Erica Iris Simmon's (AKA iri5) portraits of her heroes which are made from cassette reel. Check out the whole 'Ghost in the Machine' series on her Flikr page. Via Cool Hunting

Tubular steel & plywood chair

I picked up two of these wonderfully ugly chairs this morning at Harrow Road reclamation joint Retrouvius, a real treasure trove. I love them because the seat is so wierdly wide. I think they are originate from Belgium. Perhaps from a mental asylum or somesuch.



Photos via Retrouvius

Ninja sperm

Thus far the World Cup has been pretty uninspiring stuff. Too few goals and way too much bleating on about a) how shit the Jabulani ball is (not true - I've played with it for months and it's ace) and b) how annoying the vuvuzelas are (concentrate and you can block it out).
However, there have been a few highlights. Dutch sub Elia looked electric and has the potential to be one of the stars of the tournament. Slovakian main man Hamsik (Napoli) defo could cut it in the prem. And these Jap fans who seem to have gone to South Efrica dressed as ninja sperm.

"This is not my thing"

In the Iberian peninsula and elsewhere, women find nothing more attractive than a sexy bullfighter. Forget Torres. Laters Sergio Ramos.
It's the whole matador package that turns on the dusky chicas; spray-on leggings, the traditional livery, and that lofty, arrogant expression. But more than anything, it's the (alleged) bravery of bullfighters that sees matadors worshipped as Gods on earth.
So, imagine the disgust when one Mexican matador Christian Hernandez recently completely bottled it in the ring. Confronted by a real life bull, he leapt over the fence and quit the game. So outraged was the whole of Mexico that the poor yellow-bellied fool has been arrested for breach of contract.
His explanation 'i didn't have the balls, this is not my thing' was praps informed by the fact he was gored last year. Still a pussy.

Logan Lacy voms

There is something fundamentally tragic about weightlifters. To the naked eye they look pretty strong, real butch.
But the sad truth is they pay dear for that 'condom-full-of-walnuts' physique. The constant overtraining demands they eat multipacks of tuna, clumsy handfuls of eggs and vats of protein shake. Unsurprisingly, this means they are only ever ten minutes away from guffing a rancid fart.
Other side effects of pumping iron all day long are a V of back spots (hot), terrible tempers, a complete inability to play any sport (thighs rub together too much) and ever-decreasing penises.

World Cup Carnival hits da Bush

With just a few days away until the big kick-off, every man and his dog is struck down by World Cup fever.
For those of us not lucky enough to be going to South Efrica, the clock is ticking down on where to pitch our tent for the big games. For real footy anoracs (Hi Reub!), make that where to watch all the games. Yup, even New Zealand v Slovakia.
Upstep World Cup Carnival 2010, the brainchild of west London events guru Luke Gamble, which is shaping up to be the best bet in the west by a country mile.
Gamble and co have block booked the cavernous Shepherds Bush Pavilion (which recently hosted a series of sellout Secret Cinema performances) for the whole tournament and will be showing all the key clashes, including all the En-Ger-Land group games starting with the clash with the soccerball Yanks this Saturday.
At the Pav, there'll be no straining your neck and squinting your peepholes to see a tiny screen at the other side of the pub. Instead, expect a mammoth 16 metre HD screen complete with booming surround sound.
Besides the on-screen action there'll be a plethora of other attractions going down at the Pav; live DJ sets (Stanton Warriors, The Nextmen etc etc), CNN reporters in the building, brass bands, cheerleaders, popcorn, World Cup fancy dress and ... get this ... themed food. Make mine an Ivorian stew.
Check out all the deets here and book tix here See ya'll there!

Hannah Jane Elizabeth THOMAS

Sending so much love to all of you who made our Wylye Valley wedding weekend so unbelievably wonderful. Off to Cornwall for a week - see ya'll for the World Cup.