Eurovision Song Contest 2012: The five wackiest and wackest performances

The Eurovision song contest is actually taken very seriously in many European countries. However, in the United Kingdom it is widely ridiculed. Regardless, millions of Brits tune in every year to gawp at the weirdest, wackiest and, well, worst acts. And they rarely switch off the tellybox disappointed.

The Eurovision 2012 contest, which took place 26 May in Azerbaijani capital Baku (City of Flames), featured its fair share of dodgy songs and songsters. In a night where power ballads and relentlessly upbeat dance tracks ruled the roost, there were plenty of clunkers. Here are ArchBlog's's wackest five.

Yes, big-voiced, Bjork-esque Albanian singer Rona Nishliu really does have a serpentine dreadlock stuck to her chest:


Anyone for a bit of funky Balkan-Latin fusion? Time to get the eff down to Romanian-Cuban outfit Mandinga:


Lithuanian singer Donny Montell can sing a bit but he makes the cut here due to his downright creepy blindfold:


Warning: Ukrainian diva Gaitana's track Be My Guest is infuriating catchy. And it features some insanely dressed backing dancers:


More high-energy mayhem from Oirish pop twins Jedward. Listening to these guys makes one feel like one has just eaten a family bag of Skittles:

No two dogs are the same

As is the case with humans, there are dogs that like to keep busy ...

and there are dogs that are bone lazy

Very cheap pussy

Photo credit: Archie Charles Thomas using a BlackBerry Bold 9780
Location: Nr. Wormwood Scrubs

European Champion

Photo credit: Charlie Pttg

Summer heat: Engineered Garments pork pie hat

It's likely this utterly gorg weather frying my brain ... but I think I actually like this Engineered Garments pork pie hat. Granted it's an ickle outré but what the heck.

 

Available for £78 from Garbstore, west London's finest men's garment outlet.

Russell Moccasin Co for Nepenthes (want some BAD)

ArchBlog is a big fan of sensible, dorky shoes of the type a 1970's school caretaker from Yorkshire might have worn. Below, please find some absolute beauts of that ilk.

As with many things on this somewhat pretentious 'lifestyle' blog, they look pretty ordinary but actually cost a fair few quid. In fact, there a special make-up by Russell Moccasins for achingly hip New York shop/space Nepenthes (which I'm dying to check out one day)

Roman holiday

ArchBlog approves: Scientific Illustration

Scientific Illustration is a tremendous Tumblr blog which features, err, scientific illustrations. It might sound a bit dry but it most definitely isn't. In fact, it's a treasure trove of nature's weird and wonderful. The weasels below are a persie. For all the sources of these pics, please check out the blog.

Summer reading: The Haunted Vagina

As it's that time of year when everyone is looking for that perfect book for their upcoming beach holiday, I thought I'd help out and flag up a tome I've just come across called The Haunted Vagina.

I'll level with you; I've not yet read it but the blurb makes it sound like a really captivating, romantic (and not even slightly insanely ridiculous) read. Here's the Amazon teaser:

“It’s difficult to love a woman whose vagina is a gateway to the world of the dead… Steve is madly in love with his eccentric girlfriend, Stacy. Unfortunately, their sex life has been suffering as of late, because Steve is worried about the odd noises that have been coming from Stacy’s pubic region. She says that her vagina is haunted. She doesn’t think it’s that big of a deal. Steve, on the other hand, completely disagrees. When a living corpse climbs out of her during an awkward night of sex, Stacy learns that her vagina is actually a doorway to another world. She persuades Steve to climb inside of her to explore this strange new place. But once inside, Steve finds it difficult to return… especially once he meets an oddly attractive woman named Fig, who lives within the lonely haunted world between Stacy’s legs.”

 If any readers fancy actually reviewing it for ArchBlog that'd be grand. I'd do it myself if I wasn't already reading The Haunted Donkey Penis (actually not bad so far).

 Via this blog I stumbled across via someone or other's tweet

Andy Möller: Ashley Young's all-time hero

Obama: Sneakerfreaker

There's a lot I like about this photo. Oversized basketball boots are always a winner. Obama's a winner. And check out how serious the bodyguard is about his job. It'd take a nuclear explosion to distract this fella from the job in hand.

Via Tres Bien Shop

Cheating cats

I've seen some unreal time-wasting by goalkeepers in my time. I remember Plymouth stopper Romain Larrieu enraging the Loftus road crowd with his endless re-spotting of the ball. But outright cheating isn't something one usually associates with netminders. Well, that's what I thought before I watched these two shocking clips of goalies feigning injury ...

Djibril Cisse and the blindness of the football fan

Supporting a football does the weirdest things to a man. Take the fact that this 29-year-old French guy (Djibril Cisse for the heathens) is currently my complete and utter hero.

In fact, I'm so 'proud' of Cisse for scoring that goal versus Stoke RFC that if you were to say to me something like "I think his dress sense is a bit dodgy mate" I'd likely respond with something along the lines of "Leave it. He doesn't look that bad and at least he has got his own look going on." What's even weirder is I have even tried to convince myself that he should be applauded for his individuality (even though deep down I do know he looks like a total twat). Basically, I'm scaring myself.

Deadstock Nike baby heat

I think I've grown out of trainers and then I peep something so wonderfully babyish I'm sucked right back in:

Bob Marley: Natural mystic

For anyone who hasn't yet seen Kevin MacDonald's documentary Marley may I suggest you do whatever you need to do to check it out. If you have to mug a grannie to pay for your cinema ticket then so be it. Why? Because His Bobness is the most poetic, spiritual, god-like person ever to walk the crust of the Earth. And, yes, I am acutely aware that writing that last sentence makes me sound like the worst sort of trustafarian hippie you've ever met in a Spanish beach bar. I'm sorry. It's just achingly true.

The mechanic

Via Prog Porn (see blog-roll)

Water on ventile

Via Nigel Cabourn

Paradise found: Moyenne, The Seychelles

If you're able to look past the fact that the interviewer is a little annoying, you'll really enjoy this portrait of Brendan Grimshaw, an 86-year-old Yorkshire man who has lived alone for many years on the tiny island paradise of Moyenne in the Seychelles. He snapped up the tidy little spot in 1962 for £8000 and has only done good since he ran the joint. He's spent the years reintroducing the indigenous giant tortoise to Moyenne and now shares the island with 120 of the hard-backed loiterers. It's a damn shame there aren't more Brendans on this planet and less big hotel chains intent on branding up natural beauty.

The Daily Express: EU Plot to WIPE OUT Britain

I'm going to make sure I really enjoy the Queen's Diamond Jubilee celebrations because it's not long now until Britain is "abolished" by a "super-powerful" EU president. It must be true because I read it in the The Daily Express ...

Their (hockey) moms must be so proud

Via Sano Papp (this one doing the e-rounds with the subject "I defy you to find a better sign at any sporting event"

Engineered Garments Gurkha shorts (peacock print)

Yet another item of clothing to add to the list of stuff I really like but deep down know I'd look like a total tool actually wearing. Note to self: I really must remember I don't look even a tiny bit like Jean-Michel Basquiet. Luckily it rains all day and night in London so I'm not persuaded to reach for my Visa Debit an green-light an(other) expensive mistake.

Via Engineered Garments News blog

Chinese dogs are better than Western dogs

Contrary to what you hear in the West, not all totalitarian systems are all bad. In fact, rigid top-down systems can work really well. Take China. In China, dogs recognise they are unable to fend for themselves and, in return for bed and board, make sure they give their owners something back. Unlike Western dogs, who lounge around in baskets by the radiator (or AGA) stuffing their faces with organic Pedigree Chum, Chinese dogs actually help out around the house. That's because they respect hierarchies and authority. They don't waste their time dreaming of being able to vote or enjoy unfettered access to the internet. Take this dog. Sometimes he guards his owner's bike for weeks on end. Via BuzzFeed