Wednesday, 14 July 2010

Sewer Abuse > 'Fatbergs'

Hate your lousy job? Wish you were outside in the park working on your man tan? Wish your office had more windows?
(Dude), it could be worse. So much worse.
Spare a thought for Mr Danny Brackley, head sewer flusher for Thames Water who is heading up an intensive 2-month sewer clean-up operation under Leicester Square where there IS ENOUGH LARD TO FILL NINE DOUBLE-DECKER BUSES according to Thames Water. According to a TW release (yup, even sewer sweeps have hard-working PR arms these days), "the putrid fat build-up is the result of years of 'sewer abuse'" ie when anyone anywhere puts anything other than loo roll, poo or water down and around the bend.
Anyway, the subterrainian sitch has got so damn critical that unless the hardy flushers roll up their sleeves, all the Italian tourists, one-legged pigeons and cartoonists (who make Leicester Square so amazing to visit) will be drowning in 'upsurge' (my coining).
Back to the gargantuan task facing the flushers ... once they've smashed down the FOUR-FOOT WALL OF SOLID FAT that blocks the entrance, they'll be taking powerful jets to hulking fatbergs of HARD FAT THAT HAS SET AND GONE OFF. Per Brackley (see vid below), this fat can be so hard it breaks shovels when attacked.
The moral of this story; next time you're in the loo of one of those many overpriced eateries in Chinatown think before you vom up your Peking duck and flush it down with a few earbuds. Think of Brackley and his team of flushers.

ps I wanna go down there with Werner Herzog and make the most hardcore arthouse film ever seen.