Friday, 26 February 2010

Baby Fashion Week

Some people say fashion doesn’t matter. They dress badly.
Everyone else knows there’s basically nothing more important than looking good. Always.
Hard facts like this are not lost on the young. Increasingly, babies are making sure they keep their eyes peeled for cutting-edge styling.
Take this hip little trendsetter hailing from one of the chicer enclaves of Shepherd’s Bush. Young Clementine may only be six weeks old but already she’s totally fashion-forward.
Take this shot. In it she’s gone for the distressed ethno-prairie look (don’t look it up - she invented it). Not satisfied with looking absolutely top banana, she’s accessorized perfectly with an ornamental bison (soooooo 2010).
In conversation with ArchBlog, Clementine explained her silky style is all about the detailing. “I’ve told my parents to make sure my vintage lace cuffs always peep out,” adding “I suppose it’s sort of my signature.”
Stay tuned to ArchBlog in 2010 for more wisdoms from Clementine.

Photo credit: Riggall fam archives

Thursday, 25 February 2010

Double's Luge

I can't quite put my finger on what it is but there's something a bit metrosexual about the two-man luge ...

Wednesday, 24 February 2010

Hot steamy food in your face right now

Can't wait for Abu Zaad to embrace this exciting technology ...

Percy Jackson has a smaller penis than Harry Potter

I don't know about you guys but, for me, something of the "Harry Potter" magic sheen has worn off.
It's not that I've actually read one page of any of the books or seen one minute of any of the movies, but I did feel a little disorientated when the boy wizard, whilst treading the boards in "Equus," flopped out an awesomely collossal member (girls collapsed) and flexed his washboard six-pack.
Maybe I'm just a hater, but post-"Equus"I could never look at the little chap in the Lennon glasses in the same way. Danny Radcliffe's man-ish vibe suddenly seemed to chime out of time with the fantastical adventure fantasy franchise.
Recent allegations that Scottish legend JP Morgan reportedly and allegedly plagiarised (ie copied) some of the content from elsewhere for her string of bestsellers only leaves me further disillusioned.

However, they say when one doors closes another opens. And so it is.
A while back some savvy, cash-crazed film exec looked at the schedules and screamed "there's a massive dating black hole where HP used to be! Let's immediately make a derivative spin-off and start counting the cashish. Guys?"
The conference room clearly nodded like horses after a carrot. Hollywood Green Lights were quickly punched and now there is "Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief."

In the hot new film which is set in modern-day Nu York, 12-year-old Percy stars as the teenage son of Poseidon, who is accused by Zeus of stealing his lightning bolt, the universe's most powerful weopon. Although poor little Perce never did that, he has to prove his innocence by finding the real thief before a fuck-off war between the gods erupts (not is a Radcliffe way mind). Go Percy, go! Save us all.

I'm sure you'll all agree it sounds as good (and possibly better) as all the amazing "Potter" movies. Not that I'll never know (the difference). I'm going just to see my hero Pierce Brosnan. Check how cool he looks in the trailer ...

Tuesday, 23 February 2010

According to the latest research, 99% of young men (18-44) check their email every single day. A whopping 80% admit to feeling 'lost' without going online and 25% of young men check their email before they even get out of bed. Women are still vaguely important to men but 37% of young men do concede that they've surfed the net whilst in bed with their partner. Romantic.

Welcome to Life in Limbo

Kinshasa is the party capital of Africa, praps the world. The main Congolese thoroughfares are littered by roadside shacks serving up sachets (yes, sachets) of dirt-cheap, alcohol-rich hard liqueur. In these bars the TVs are always tuned to either African Big Brother or the Champion's League.
Anywhere where there's heavy alcohol consumption there's (usually good) music. Except the Czech Republic. In Congo, rap is taking off big time. Check out this vid from young buck Baloji. Do your best to ignore the fact he looks like he is the spwan of Adebayor and the sleepy-looking guy from Faithless.


Monday, 22 February 2010

Private stock DMs

Love spending your afternoon in a grotty boozer getting so nailed you talk to the jukebox?

Wear shorts year-round?

Love getting tats of your daughter's name etched into your flabby calves?

Love reading postcards not addressed to you?

If you answered yes to any of the above you probably already have a pair of these limited edition Dr Martens, available only to Royal Mail employees.

I have no idea why but I really want a pair. They'd go great with big white socks and tiny shorts.

Via Hypebeast

Vietnam Tom never lost it

You have to be a special kinda stoopid to atagonise a giant war vet in an "I AM A MOTHERFUCKER" tee. Even if he is 67.

Via Ol

Quote of the day

“I think Jesus was a compassionate, super-intelligent gay man who understood human problems. On the cross, he forgave the people who crucified him. Jesus wanted us to be loving and forgiving. I don’t know what makes people so cruel. Try being a gay woman in the Middle East — you’re as good as dead.”
- more incisive stuff from Elton 'Candle in the Wind' John

via Perez Hilton

Friday, 19 February 2010

Lindsey Jacobellis's epic fail

Okay, so picture this scene.

You are a female snowboarder and the Winter Olympics have decided to recognize your sport for the first time. You're totally stoked.

You head to Torino for your big day. This is it. For the past four years you've been up at 4 am and on the slopes with a protein shake by 4.20. You are, quite simply, in the shape of your life.

Now, it's the race and you're going great guns. Better than that: you're way out in the lead going into the second last jump. Your options are:

a) play it safe and win a GOLD medal. Your grandkids will tell their grandkids.

b) showboat and 'tweak' a gnarly method air.

You opt for b). This is what happens ...

Poker Face on ice

Johnny Weir makes Freddie Mercury look hetero ...

Via Don't Panic Online

NEW DAWN: wake up and smell the drones raghead!

Consumers get bored quickly. They long to see things freshened up with a re-brand. Check out my recent post on how Greggs the baker is changing up its game to keep ensnaring unwitting fatties.
With this in mind, U.S. army supremo General David Petraeus has fired off an exciting memo to other war jocks telling them that the shitfight in Iraq has a brand new moniker: NEW DAWN.
I think it sounds effing great. I was getting dead bored of the current title - OPERATION IRAQI FREEDOM - and NEW DAWN is wonderfully contemporary. It makes me think of how awesomely satisfying it is when the marines blow up all the Na-Vi in Cameron's "Avatar."

Via Huffington Post

Thursday, 18 February 2010

Cameron sinks tinnies

David Cameron is on the pre-election hearts and minds warpath this week.
Stepping out of Westminster, he's given relatively informal interviews to GMTV, Woman's Hour and weekly men's freesheet Shortlist.
Talking to R4 he said "If you want to be prime minister you should open up." And so he has.
It turns out he loves drinking cans of Guinness (Shortlist), and disapproves of the "commercialisation and sexualisation" of children (GMTV). That's why he doesn't like his six-year-old listening to Lily Allen. Oh yeah and he loves those common bedfellows that are darts and 'Lark Rise to Candleford.'
I feel I really know him now.

Greggs the organically sourced, ethically produced baker

High street food chains have a history of half-inching posh habits and shoving them down the throat of the mainstream to earn a few more quid.
Take the flat white coffee. A few years ago it was an in-the-know order at wanky spots like Monmouth Coffee and Fernandez & Wells. Now Costa and Starbucks have incorporated it into their brand/your lifestyle.
Bottom-feeder Greggs the bakers is now following suit and going a little more upmarket. In an attempt to woo the southern softie market they are introducing soft lighting and dark-wood flooring.
It's certainly a change of pace for no-nonsense Greggs. The narthern institution was established on Tyneside in 1964 and has been banging out dirt-cheap heart attack food (like stotties) ever since. Today, they pump out horrendously greasy baked stuff from 1,400 U.K. shops.
It seems that soon you'll be able to offset your sausage roll with a few olives and a flute of prosecco. But for the time being they haven't lost sight of their core offering. Check the 'fuck the obesity epidemic' ad of their website:
"The Chicken and Bacon lattice
Go on ... you know you really want two"

Microplastic Oceans (not a band)

Quite rightly, environmentalists have their knickers in a twist about melting glaciers. The poles are undoubtedly the poster-boys for climate change.
But did you know there is a giant floating toxic landfill (mostly comprised of non-biodegradeable plastics) which is bobbing about in the North Pacific? It's the size of Texas but because it's far off land no-one seems to care. Hopefully this vid will change that ...

Wednesday, 17 February 2010

Barbie saves lives

Undercover reporters chasing hot scoops often end getting themselves in a whole lot of bother. I'm forever reading about fearless war junky reporter types getting kidnapped whilst on the road out of I'Bad for a cup of mint tea with a Taleban top brasser. Most of the time the fixer isn't actually the fixer and rather than a page one Terror splash these guys get nine months locked up in a cave getting awfully gaunt. With only beheading to look forward to.
Luckily, Mattel - makers of Barbie - have come to the rescue. They've invented Barbie Video Girl Doll which has the potential to revolutionise how undercover journalism works.
The new Barbie has a built-in video which shoots from a camera carefully concealed in her necklace. Sneaky. Not only is Barbie Vid Gal gorgeous (aren't all Barbies?) but the new doll is "an all-in-one shooting and screening experience." Go babe!
The ramifications for undercover journo ops are strikingly obvious: Why send some battle-hardened, bearded, khaki-clad CNN hard-ass into the Northern Territories when you can simply pop an innocent-looking 8-year-old girl on a plane armed only with her sticker album and, crucially, Barbie Video Girl Doll. Imagine the scoops she'll file. Bad luck Donal Mc and co - you're out of work.

Tuesday, 16 February 2010

Duck teaches boy to walk

Humans always bleat on about how they are able to teach animals this and that. Like how to plough. Or jump incredibly high fences with a mincer in jodhpurs saddled to your back.
Because humans control the media we rarely hear about it when animals teach humans fancy new tricks.
That's why you should sit up and pay attention when I tell you a duck with a gammy leg called Ming Ming has tought a four-year-old disabled boy how to walk. Check for yourself here. Credit where credits due to Reuters for not burying the facts.

Monday, 15 February 2010

Gaddafi: fashion icon

Politicians tend to dress downright drab. Dark grey 'non-offensive' suits are de rigueur at top-level summits. Angela Merkel takes it to another level with her horrible long suit jackets.
Thankfully, not all politicians play it so safe. They're not all cut from the same cloth. Take Fidel Castro in his sixties pomp - thick-rimmed glasses twinned with no-nonsense, belted fatigues. True revolutionary chic. Some of Mandela's more 'wacky' shirts are alright too.
However, when it comes to stepping out in style only one political animal matters: Colonel Qaddafi. Whether he's sporting the banana republic strong man look or going for something a little more flamboyant, he always looks top dinar.
Source: Vanity Fair via Dearlove
Photo credits (top to bottom): Waleed el Mehelemy/Reuters/Corbis.

Friday, 12 February 2010

Swansea Love Story

Swansea. I've never been there but I've always had something of a soft spot for the tough-as-old-boots South Wales city.
Firstly, Rhodri, my old housemate in Brizzle, was a bonafide boyo from the valleys. Secondly, the Swansea City jacks and I share a common enemy: Cardiff City FC. I'll never fully get over the scumbag bluebirds beating QPR in that play-off final.
So, I was immediately intrigued to check out Vice's "Swansea Love Story," about the lives and loves of heroin addicts eeking out a pitiful existence in Swansea. The film, which is is co-directed and produced by Leo (son of Mike) Leigh and Vice UK's head honcho Andy Capper, has already garnered great notices - The Guardian has called it "the must-see British film of the year".
The first episode has just been posted on VBS.TV with 5 more to follow. It aint an easy watch but it is strangely moving. Be warned that its a hellishly tough watch if you aren't a massive fan of smackheads fumbling around with dirty needles behind wheelie-bins.

Thursday, 11 February 2010

Sensual toilet experience

Worried about the possibility that the recession might double dip? Concerned that the implosion of Greece's economy might hit you in the pocket book?
Time to exude an air of confidence that everything will be alright. But how?
Here's how: pop down to your local Waitrose, official supermarche to the genuine aristocracy and upper middle classes, and snap up their fantastic new times-are-tough-but-only-if-you're-poor offering - bog roll injected with a lux lashings of cashmere. Show economic meltdown the finger by snaffling up a few rolls for just £2.29. Little Archie and Jemima (your adorable kids) will love the feel of it on their boxfresh botties (sp).

Photo credit: Waitrose

Tuesday, 9 February 2010

From downtown

This loooooong-ranger makes Beckham's chip from the half way line look positively pedestrian. All the more amazing as the scorer looks slightly anorexic.

Laying it on a plate

Guti is an over-rated show pony but you gotsta to give it up for this awesome backheeler assist. It has Reuben drooling

Monday, 8 February 2010

Beer from coal

In the fifties, there were only three things. People, beer and coal. The coal was used to used to provide steam to make beer. The people who had, in the first place, taken the coal to the brewery then drunk the beer.

via A Continuous Lean blog

Black ice in B'more

The weather is usually read by stick-thin wannabe actresses who smile profusely and play it safe. Not in Baltimore ...

Thursday, 4 February 2010

Happy Valentine's love Christopher Wallace

Valentine's Day cards are usually ghastly saccharine offerings; puke-pink, oversized, and featuring giant (and terrifying) teddies hugging each other waaaaaaaaaay too hard. They remind me of children's hospitals.
Along with absolute bs events like great-aunt's day etc they swell the coffers of Clinton Cards but bring little 'real happiness (c)'.
But they are not all, for want of a better word, gash. Check out L.A. based design firm Kuro's rap-inspired cards. There's even a Biggie one ...
Source: Cool Hunting

Wednesday, 3 February 2010

Breezy old war

In the good old days, war used to be a fun, cheap way for young men to hang out together and travel the world. That's why as soon as big wars broke out, 15 year olds magic'd up moustaches with ash from the fire so as to get on the first boat. Absolutely no-one wanted to miss out on rip-roaring stag parties like WW1.
Or perhaps I'm viewing history through rose-tinted fighter pilot goggles?
To be fair, there were the odd slightly hairy moments at the bigger battles like the Somme. Sometimes, Ted, Wally, Jock and the lads did have to pop 'over the top,' and wade their mazy way through barbed wire whilst being distracted by a tsunami of ratatat gunfire.
But let's not get carried away - it wasn't actually that dangerous. That's because at least ninety-nine times out of ninety eight (fact), Hun bullets lodged in either the a) metal cigarette case or b) Holy Bible in our boy's breast pocket. Ha! That's a good one to tell the grandkids.
The biggest problem with old-fashioned warring was that it could get a little boring in the trenches when your feet begun to rot and the army of navel-gazing war poets started to bleet on about mustard gas. Give a rest will you Wilfred, we trying to enjoy our Spam.

I'll mull modern warfare later this week. Here's a teaser ... it's much scarier now autonomous killer robots have got involved.

Monday, 1 February 2010

Trends from the ocean floor

Anyone who has seen Werner Herzog's hynoptic eco doc "Encounters at the End of the World" will know that the ocean's deepest, inky depths are a trippy place which make even James Cameron's Pandora look positively tame.
On the ocean floor, no self-respecting yeti crab leaves home without a feather boa. And no transparent sea cucumber (pictured) would be seen dead without lashings of pink lippy announcing their vagina and/or mouth.
It's like Studio 54 all over again down there in the pitch black ocean trenches. Click here to see a few more of the hippest scenesters and what garms they're rocking at the moment.

Photo credit: Larry Madin/Woods Hole Oceanographic Institution

Big Bruvva Redux: Notting Hill

So, Channel 4 seemed to have settled on a replacement for the long running Big Brother show: Notting Hill.'
The new format is 'an open real-time programme' which basically means a live soap so far as I can make out. Fearless camera crews will trail 10 young Hillbilly hipsters as they potter about the leafy manor spunking all daddy's hard-earned cashish.
I'll not be watching as I think I might get more than a little bored of watching Trustafarians quaff ethnically-sourced macchiatos outside Coffee Plant, have five-hour brunches at Julies and mooch (worst word ever?) up and down Ledbury Road AKA Pashmina alley.
But I'm sure Hillite David Cameron is making frenzied calls to make 100% sure his 100% organic eco loft gets a little screentime on the show.
Photo credit: Photo Agency

I was still feeling rough so I smoked again later on Friday.

Massive scuzzbucket Wolfman, the 41-year-old pied-piper of the Hackney smack scene and Pete Doherty's hero, leads an impossibly bleak and destructive life. He's the sort of guy you really don't want your daughter dating. Besides his raging crack and smack addictions, he lives in a basement with 26 cats and has terrible taste in cinema.

Photod credit: London Media