Being tubby

Being fat is a real bitch. Just bending down to pick up your family-size crisps makes you sweat like a pig in a wool cape sitting on the equator.
But luckily doctors are all over it like a cheap suit. These days, porkers can get weight-loss surgery like gastric bands which are guaranteed to have clients back on the squash court the next day.
The thing is, according to the Today Programme this morning, only the really morbidly obese get to the front of the queue for surgeries. Therefore, it really pays to pad out if you are already tipping the scales. This is great news for KFC who are selling megabuckets by the shedload (especially on the Uxbridge Road).
However, it's not all good news. The set-up is applying enormous pressure on Weight Watchers clinics. No-one is bothering with the slimline salad dressing anymore. For this reason, the floors at Weight Watchers and other 'slimming' clubs are taking a major hammering. In Sweden they've started to cave in and split.