Copper Bullets

Snowed in? Pack for warmer climes. Like Angola. It is the only place to be this January. That's because the oil-rich little hellhole is hosting the African Nations, by far the best footy competition there is. Forget the World Cup (according to CNN everyone will get AIDS there) and the bling bling Champion's 'Heineken Amstel' League and get yourself down to Luanda, Benguela, Cabinda and Lubango (all real places). Here's five reasons why:

1) Team nicknames. There's loads of good ones - Indomitable Lions (Cameroon), Black Antelopes (Angola), Sparrowhawks (Togo) - but the best has to be the Copper Bullets (below) of Zambia. The pacy Katonga bros, Chris and Felix, lead their attack.

2) Player nicknames. Malian centre-back Adama Coulibaly is also known as 'Police.' That's because he stops all attacks. Move aside Golden Balls (unless you want to get arrested).

3) Style of play; go hard or go home. Not counting kiss-ass Europhiles Ivory Coast and Cameroon and cagey north African bore draw specialists like Tunisia, everyone just goes hell-for-leather. Tactics are mostly 'goalie (often in trackie bums) lump it to big man and now everyone charge!'. Defence is simple: chop your man down hard and then deathstare the ref. Police!

4) The ball. Adidas Wawa-Aba AKA totally tropical masterpiece. Ballack would combust if he ever got near one.

5) Voodoo/black magic. Coaches take a back seat to witch doctors when it comes to the knockout games. Don't believe me then check out what 'Roonian (and Burnley) enforcer Andre Bikey did when he thought an ambo man (!) was trying to spread curses on his team in last tournament's semis.