Wednesday 24 February 2010

Percy Jackson has a smaller penis than Harry Potter

I don't know about you guys but, for me, something of the "Harry Potter" magic sheen has worn off.
It's not that I've actually read one page of any of the books or seen one minute of any of the movies, but I did feel a little disorientated when the boy wizard, whilst treading the boards in "Equus," flopped out an awesomely collossal member (girls collapsed) and flexed his washboard six-pack.
Maybe I'm just a hater, but post-"Equus"I could never look at the little chap in the Lennon glasses in the same way. Danny Radcliffe's man-ish vibe suddenly seemed to chime out of time with the fantastical adventure fantasy franchise.
Recent allegations that Scottish legend JP Morgan reportedly and allegedly plagiarised (ie copied) some of the content from elsewhere for her string of bestsellers only leaves me further disillusioned.

However, they say when one doors closes another opens. And so it is.
A while back some savvy, cash-crazed film exec looked at the schedules and screamed "there's a massive dating black hole where HP used to be! Let's immediately make a derivative spin-off and start counting the cashish. Guys?"
The conference room clearly nodded like horses after a carrot. Hollywood Green Lights were quickly punched and now there is "Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief."

In the hot new film which is set in modern-day Nu York, 12-year-old Percy stars as the teenage son of Poseidon, who is accused by Zeus of stealing his lightning bolt, the universe's most powerful weopon. Although poor little Perce never did that, he has to prove his innocence by finding the real thief before a fuck-off war between the gods erupts (not is a Radcliffe way mind). Go Percy, go! Save us all.

I'm sure you'll all agree it sounds as good (and possibly better) as all the amazing "Potter" movies. Not that I'll never know (the difference). I'm going just to see my hero Pierce Brosnan. Check how cool he looks in the trailer ...

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